As I look back on my experience as a mother I have changed so, so much. The things I said (or thought) I’d never do are happening and as I get older, I’m more and more ok with that. I don’t have regrets per say but there are things I wish I hadn’t lost sleep over quite as much. Here are four letters that if possible, I’d write myself when I was a 25 year old, 28 year old, 31 year old and 34 year old mom.
Dear Melissa, 2008
Wow! You are a mom of a beautiful baby boy! What an experience the pregnancy, labor and delivery was. Mister is such an amazing support especially when you had those weepy times that came on without warning. Remember the day Mr1 was crying which felt like forever and you were panicking in tears questioning how you’ll make it through a day when Mister goes back to work? Look at you, you did it. I know you read every book available but remember to trust your Mommy intuition a bit more than whatever author is on your nightstand. If you need to lay down and nurse and take a nap, go do it. You reached out with questions to friends and online forums but keep in mind to reach out to the moms in your life too. Their advice may be totally different than the books but go with it. When you are feeling stuck pray a bit more than you run to the computer. You may not get the house clean but you know what, the house isn’t actually that dirty. You’ll get back into fitness, just be patient with yourself and ask for help. If baby cries he’ll be ok and so wont his caretaker at that time. You will do great and you will sleep again eventually, I promise.
Love, Melissa
Dear Melissa, 2011
That was a fast labor, can you believe you have two little boys now? You and Mister keep looking at each other with shock and awe that you are the parents of two human beings. It is so amazing watching Mr1 be a big brother, just wait a few years and he’ll really blow your mind. I’m so glad you realized that spending time with your boys and taking care of yourself is much more important than stressing about house work. You’ll get back to the gym soon and those two hours will be good for you and the boys. If Mr2 needs to take a regular nap in the swing, it’s fine. He wont sleep in it forever, he’ll actually grow to be the best sleeper of all of your boys. His big blue eyes have changed to hazel but they are just as sweet as are his hugs and snuggles. He has also become an amazing big brother. I know you are holding a newborn baby in your arms and are thinking, “Is our family complete?” Just hold on a bit. God has it under control, enjoy the two cuties right now.
Love, Melissa
Dear Melissa, 2014
You did it again! This time you knew you were having a boy so it was a little different in that regard. The big boys did so great with the pregnancy and all the changes that come with a new baby. This time around real life came really fast as Mr1 is homeschooling and in activities which is very different to the last two boys. Mister is still an amazing support and help; this only grows even more as time goes on. You have a move coming up in a few months so ask for help for at least the big boys and give Mr3 the snuggles he needs. As a 4-year-old he has a high need for physical touch and is now able to ask to be held. It’s really the sweetest thing and I hope he goes a long time before he stops asking for me to hold him. Just tonight he told me how much he loves going to church, what a blessing! This boy will challenge you in ways very different than your older two. Mr3 is intense, he has a bit of a hard time when he first becomes a big brother. He surely loves his baby brother but still really needs you so just hold him when he needs it. He will be very defiant at times so stay consistent and calm despite how tired you are. Sleep is rough and rare but he will sleep eventually, I promise. He will give small glimmers of positive change when you least expect it.
Love, Melissa
Dear Melissa, 2017
Well you live in Maine now; how wonderful it is to see your boys’ grandparents have such special time with the boys. It’ll be an amazing help to have them around as you welcome this 4th boy into the world. This postpartum period will be much different than the last three. It will be hard. You will want to be alone but that’ll become the hardest time when you are alone in your thoughts. Go talk to someone, anyone. Get those feelings out, it will make a huge difference. You’ll get a lot of comments about “oh you didn’t have a girl!” and those comments will hurt. You thought you were having a girl and pretty much had bows picked out. God will carry you through that time so hold strong to prayer and his promise. Real life will happen even faster this time, thankfully Mr4 will be an easy-going baby so just wear him wherever you go and you’ll both be happier. Mr3 and Mr4 will tag team and make sure you wont sleep for a long time and you’ll have quite a bit of stress as you try to sell your house, move in with your parents and build a new home but as I write this in that new home trust me, it’ll all be worth it and you will sleep again, I promise. You’ll start drinking coffee eventually and come to look forward to that morning cup. As you read through your Bible lesson with your four boys around you starting your home school day you will reflect on how much you have changed as a woman, wife and mother over these years. God will continue to grow in your life. You’ll eventually get that morning quiet time you crave so just be patient.
Love, Melissa
Hi-fi from a mom of boys. I have 3 🙂
I loved how your reflections have evolved over time.
Have a wonderful mother’ day weekend!
This was so good. It makes me want to write to myself! Everything feels so stressful in the moment, but if we only knew what the future held…
Such a good idea, looking back we always see what we would have done differently, that little things we were worrying about weren’t that important and that what seems to be so hard belongs in the past!